Comments for It's About Them http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com Young People ... Our Greatest Resource Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:19:31 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Why ODD Doesn’t Qualify for Special Ed by docspeak http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/why-odd-doesnt-qualify-for-special-ed/#comment-2861 docspeak Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:19:31 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/why-odd-doesnt-qualify-for-special-ed/#comment-2861 It depends on the behavior, but the answer is “Yes.”  James D. Sutton, EdD, CSP

Consulting Psychologist/Certified Speaking Professional PO Box 672, Pleasanton, TX 78064 (800) 659-6628 Email: suttonjd@Docspeak.com Website: http://www.docspeak.com Blog: http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com

]]> Comment on Why ODD Doesn’t Qualify for Special Ed by joseph c pruett http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/why-odd-doesnt-qualify-for-special-ed/#comment-2860 joseph c pruett Tue, 15 Dec 2009 01:23:43 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/why-odd-doesnt-qualify-for-special-ed/#comment-2860 I am tutoring a student that is behaviorally disordered and qualified for help in his public school in Texas. We were wondering, the parents and I, that there might be special skills of handling behaviorial issues for these youngsters in the public schools other than "just Behavioral". thanks, joe pruett I am tutoring a student that is behaviorally disordered and qualified for help in his public school in Texas. We were wondering, the parents and I, that there might be special skills of handling behaviorial issues for these youngsters in the public schools other than “just Behavioral”. thanks, joe pruett

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by noel http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2858 noel Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:31:56 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2858 This sounds like my story. You have lasted 20 years? I have been married 7. Just like you, my husband maintains a job and can control himself in front of others very well. It is just in front of the children and me that is he is angry and has the outbursts-over the silliest things. He will throw things, has bent/broke things over such minor events. When upset he will give me the silent treatment. It is always my fault. I can't get angry at anything because he turns everything around. I don't have any friends because he makes me feel guilty for leaving home. I don't have any hobbies. He has accused me of cheating. He needs to know everywhere I am going. He lso says he NEEDS sex. He actually has come in the room in the early morning, rolled me over on my side, pulled my pj's down, and has sex with me after I said no. He let me lay there uncovered, with my pj's at my ankles, still uncovered in a mess. I think it is time. This sounds like my story. You have lasted 20 years? I have been married 7. Just like you, my husband maintains a job and can control himself in front of others very well. It is just in front of the children and me that is he is angry and has the outbursts-over the silliest things. He will throw things, has bent/broke things over such minor events. When upset he will give me the silent treatment. It is always my fault. I can’t get angry at anything because he turns everything around. I don’t have any friends because he makes me feel guilty for leaving home. I don’t have any hobbies. He has accused me of cheating. He needs to know everywhere I am going. He lso says he NEEDS sex. He actually has come in the room in the early morning, rolled me over on my side, pulled my pj’s down, and has sex with me after I said no. He let me lay there uncovered, with my pj’s at my ankles, still uncovered in a mess. I think it is time.

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by Lisa http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2857 Lisa Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:41:18 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2857 Has anyone found something that helps adult with ODD? The only thing I saw mentioned is melatonin and 5HTP therapy. Has anyone else tried it? This is just a heartbreaking disorder for all loved ones affected. Has anyone found something that helps adult with ODD? The only thing I saw mentioned is melatonin and 5HTP therapy. Has anyone else tried it? This is just a heartbreaking disorder for all loved ones affected.

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by Darlene http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2856 Darlene Sat, 28 Nov 2009 07:36:41 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2856 My son was diagnosed ODD at 12yrs. old. I thought about turning him over to a boys home when he was 12 but I couldn't. We went to therapy for 4-years. We tried meds nothing worked. He is 22 yrs. old and not much has changed. I can't stand the arguing, bulling and damages to our home. I have suffered too many losses I'm done. Presently I want to detach and have nothing to do with him(for my own sanity). My fear is that he would feel unloved and become self distructive. I would forever feel guilty for his demise. He thinks his life sucks but he doesn't see it's his negitive thinking,behavior,choices that are responsible for his failures. I can't give advice because he'll blow up. I am being emotionally held hostage and victomized. My son was diagnosed ODD at 12yrs. old. I thought about turning him over to a boys home when he was 12 but I couldn’t. We went to therapy for 4-years. We tried meds nothing worked. He is 22 yrs. old and not much has changed. I can’t stand the arguing, bulling and damages to our home. I have suffered too many losses I’m done. Presently I want to detach and have nothing to do with him(for my own sanity). My fear is that he would feel unloved and become self distructive. I would forever feel guilty for his demise. He thinks his life sucks but he doesn’t see it’s his negitive thinking,behavior,choices that are responsible for his failures. I can’t give advice because he’ll blow up. I am being emotionally held hostage and victomized.

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by Bob http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2855 Bob Wed, 25 Nov 2009 07:10:45 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2855 I just got out of a relationship with a woman who I believe has ODD. She grew up with a mother who abused her growing up and was very controlling. Because of this she is very bitter and always has to be in control of every situation. I can see why she loves teaching (violin) because she is in total control. This woman is very stubborn and has built walls to push people out. I could not stand to be abused any further so I got out. She goes from relationship to relationship and wonders why she can not settle down. I just got out of a relationship with a woman who I believe has ODD. She grew up with a mother who abused her growing up and was very controlling. Because of this she is very bitter and always has to be in control of every situation. I can see why she loves teaching (violin) because she is in total control. This woman is very stubborn and has built walls to push people out. I could not stand to be abused any further so I got out. She goes from relationship to relationship and wonders why she can not settle down.

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by ann http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2854 ann Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:08:12 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2854 I am just floored by all this new-found information. I have been married for 20 years to an abusive husband who I could never figure out what the problem was. This ODD describes his behavior to a "t". I could never get over the fact that he could react oppositly to everything, everything I tried to do. We have 3 kids and "raising" them has been a nightmare-they asked to do something, I say no, he would immediately say yes. My middle one wanted her nose pierced (she was only 15 so I knew she couldn't without parental persmiision)and I said no-NO NO. She goes to my husband who not only allows it---HE takes her to have it done! this is a very short version of the story of my life. I thought it was he was just a narsassist, but ODD explains the constant wearing down, and opposition, and being annoying just for the sake of being those things. And don't even get me started on arguing-he loves to start arguements. If I refuse to get sucked into an arguement he starts up with one of the kids.He has always thrown away our things-things that are of value to us-without ever asking-or breaking things of ours that have meaning to us. It has been living in Hell on earth. No one gets it from the outside. No one has a clue as to the horrible exsistence this has been for myself and my children. He is able to mask a lot of the behavior around others and has somehow kept a steady job...which has always proven to me that he can in some way control the bad behavior-there is no way he would still have a job if he treated co-workers/bosses in the manner in which he treats his family. He abuses alcohol (daily) but says he has no problem because it is just wine.(never responsible for his actions either) He gets particulaly ugly after he drinks a certain number of glasses-we can all tell when he's at that point. What a relief to know there is a disorder/syndrom/name for the insanity-doesn't change anything but does offer an explaination to the behavior. How does one get away? How do I get out? I am just floored by all this new-found information. I have been married for 20 years to an abusive husband who I could never figure out what the problem was. This ODD describes his behavior to a “t”. I could never get over the fact that he could react oppositly to everything, everything I tried to do. We have 3 kids and “raising” them has been a nightmare-they asked to do something, I say no, he would immediately say yes. My middle one wanted her nose pierced (she was only 15 so I knew she couldn’t without parental persmiision)and I said no-NO NO. She goes to my husband who not only allows it—HE takes her to have it done! this is a very short version of the story of my life. I thought it was he was just a narsassist, but ODD explains the constant wearing down, and opposition, and being annoying just for the sake of being those things. And don’t even get me started on arguing-he loves to start arguements. If I refuse to get sucked into an arguement he starts up with one of the kids.He has always thrown away our things-things that are of value to us-without ever asking-or breaking things of ours that have meaning to us. It has been living in Hell on earth. No one gets it from the outside. No one has a clue as to the horrible exsistence this has been for myself and my children. He is able to mask a lot of the behavior around others and has somehow kept a steady job…which has always proven to me that he can in some way control the bad behavior-there is no way he would still have a job if he treated co-workers/bosses in the manner in which he treats his family. He abuses alcohol (daily) but says he has no problem because it is just wine.(never responsible for his actions either) He gets particulaly ugly after he drinks a certain number of glasses-we can all tell when he’s at that point. What a relief to know there is a disorder/syndrom/name for the insanity-doesn’t change anything but does offer an explaination to the behavior. How does one get away? How do I get out?

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by Shelley http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2853 Shelley Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:00:18 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2853 Hi Laurie, Wow, I've never heard of ODD until this past Saturday evening dinner with a 4th grade teacher friend..... she says surely my ex- didn't have ODD, because it is a children's disorder. I lived with him for 18 years! This relationship had ODD all over it. I loved him, he camped, hiked, hunted, spent time with me and my 2 young children. He loved to be with us. However; he convinced me regularly he was only doing what he was brought up to do. I would ask him why he was being rude, mean or angry even cruel and he would tell me I was taking things personally. He was yelling at the air or it was a bad day at work! We went to a psychologist and she said to me "and you are perfect". I didn't make clear that his outbursts were daily and scary, I guess. It took me several years and many people later to tell me "why do you think you deserve to be spoken to that way?" or "I wouldn't put up with that". He never raised his hand to me. But he would throw tools across the floor or a glass down the hall, furniture out the back door. He convinced me I was not able to budget my own money,or I didn't make practical choices on my own. I worked full-time, raised, (financially) my two children by myself and paid half of everything, he would not share a joint checking account, we were married 13 years! I've Been divorced now for 1 and 1/2 years.......ahhhhh. My new boyfriend is beautiful, understanding, an equal, loving, gentle and kind. I could not handle letting my 2 children think that it was okay to let someone treat them that way, ever. I know it is hard to give up on someone. How will you feel in 15 years if you have to give up? You are already asking that question, doesn't sound like a very good start. Good luck, in all sincerety, Shelley Hi Laurie,
Wow, I’ve never heard of ODD until this past Saturday evening dinner with a 4th grade teacher friend….. she says surely my ex- didn’t have ODD, because it is a children’s disorder. I lived with him for 18 years! This relationship had ODD all over it. I loved him, he camped, hiked, hunted, spent time with me and my 2 young children. He loved to be with us. However; he convinced me regularly he was only doing what he was brought up to do. I would ask him why he was being rude, mean or angry even cruel and he would tell me I was taking things personally. He was yelling at the air or it was a bad day at work! We went to a psychologist and she said to me “and you are perfect”. I didn’t make clear that his outbursts were daily and scary, I guess. It took me several years and many people later to tell me “why do you think you deserve to be spoken to that way?” or “I wouldn’t put up with that”. He never raised his hand to me. But he would throw tools across the floor or a glass down the hall, furniture out the back door. He convinced me I was not able to budget my own money,or I didn’t make practical choices on my own. I worked full-time, raised, (financially) my two children by myself and paid half of everything, he would not share a joint checking account, we were married 13 years! I’ve Been divorced now for 1 and 1/2 years…….ahhhhh. My new boyfriend is beautiful, understanding, an equal, loving, gentle and kind. I could not handle letting my 2 children think that it was okay to let someone treat them that way, ever. I know it is hard to give up on someone. How will you feel in 15 years if you have to give up? You are already asking that question, doesn’t sound like a very good start.
Good luck, in all sincerety, Shelley

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by Catherine Harris http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2851 Catherine Harris Thu, 29 Oct 2009 04:08:12 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2851 Our 24-year old son has some un-diagnosed but troubling emotional problems. Didn't graduate w/his high school class, and blamed the faculty and us for not graduating on time. Has had 2 arrests; trouble holding down a job-doesn't comply with the employer's rules. No job, no car, and yet expects to get treated like royalty at home. He spends nites in a friend of our's basement, but still causes problems when at our house either with his father or his twin brother. Cusses at us and blows up when things don't go his way. We've made it clear he can NOT come home and live with us, and wonder what the future holds for him. Suggestions for how we can go about getting help for him? Took him to psychiatrist one year ago, and simply diagnosed hime with depression- not much help. Any suggestions? Our 24-year old son has some un-diagnosed but troubling emotional problems. Didn’t graduate w/his high school class, and blamed the faculty and us for not graduating on time. Has had 2 arrests; trouble holding down a job-doesn’t comply with the employer’s rules. No job, no car, and yet expects to get treated like royalty at home. He spends nites in a friend of our’s basement, but still causes problems when at our house either with his father or his twin brother. Cusses at us and blows up when things don’t go his way. We’ve made it clear he can NOT come home and live with us, and wonder what the future holds for him. Suggestions for how we can go about getting help for him? Took him to psychiatrist one year ago, and simply diagnosed hime with depression- not much help. Any suggestions?

]]> Comment on Adults with ODD? by Melanie http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/2008/09/30/adults-with-odd/#comment-2850 Melanie Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:57:42 +0000 http://itsaboutthem.wordpress.com/?p=200#comment-2850 Gosh, I don't even know where to start, except that I'm very glad I found this site. I came online to look up info on ODD, hoping to help our daughter whose almost 30 with 2 kids. She was diagnosed at 14 with ODD after I was woken up at 2am by a policeman standing in my bedroom. Seriously! Unknown to us, she has made friends with the worst girl in her class, according to her teacher. I called my husband at work (he worked nights then) and he came home. We took her right over to the ER, thinking she was on drugs. She was neg. for drugs but they kept her for a week & she was diagnosed with ODD. The doctor called me & I'll never forget what he said. He told me she was downright spoiled & had way too much control in our home. And he was right. She had been an only child for 11 years before our son came along & she was the center of our world, especially mine, as my husband worked long, rotating hours as a teamster driver. He was usually home on week-ends. Things calmed down for a few years after that, when we put her back into private Christian school. But at 16, after my husband let her go back to public school, it started all over again right away. She was out of control and she hated my guts. This is a child who was almost catered to, I'm ashamed to admit. Never laid a hand on her, rarely ever yelled at her. Yet, as soon as she got back into public school, she started getting in trouble at school for fighting, refused to do her school work, even though she was A's & B's in private school, and started running away. I would spend nights, with our baby son in the car, riding around half the night looking for her. One time, she stayed hidden at a friend's house for a month. I nearly went crazy with fright. Then she met "John" - the biggest loser we ever saw. We did everything we could to keep them apart. She became pregnant at 17 and, unfortunately, she married the jerk. We later found out he was diagnosed as Bi-polar but I'm sure he has ODD as well. Well, that was 12 years ago and they have lived with us most of that time. They just moved in one day to our garage apartment. He rarely worked, as he usually got fired from his jobs. He sat around playing video games & being emotionally abusive to me, her, and the kids, constantly refusing to let me see our G-daughters every time he got mad at me. He ran around on our daughter constantly. Our daughter actually later calmed down for most of that time & turned out to be a very good mother. She got a job & also put her self through enough schooling to get a better job & has been there part time for about 5 years now. A couple years ago, he took up with his latest mistress & walked out 3 days before Thanksgiving. Our daughter & the kids were hysterical. He called on Thanksgiving Day to tell his kids, "Daddy's not coming home anymore." Needless to say, our daughter completely fell apart, became profoundly depressed and has reverted back again to hating my guts. These two have cost us so much money, wiped out our savings, due to having to basically support another whole family all those years. Since he left, she talked her Dad into co-signing an expensive apt. lease & then refused to get a full time job to pay for it. I begged him not to do it but she was always Daddy's girl. He never said no to her in her life. In the last two years, she's managed to totally screw up her credit, never pays her bills. We got stuck with her apt. rent. & she has gotten numerous speeding tickets, & now in trouble with law after getting caught with dead tags, speeding, etc. her Atty suggested she agree to some jail time to avoid all the points. I'm at the end of my rope. I've tried to talk her into counseling & medication but she refuses. I can't force them out because of the kids and she knows this. She treats her Dad like gold & me like dirt. She screams horrible things at me in front of the kids. She refuses to clean her place or make the kids pick up. It's a pig sti. She won't pay rent or even help with utilities. She couldn't get a place now if she wanted to. She hardly spends any time with her kids anymore & has become downright neglectful. They spend much of their time down with us & we make sure they're taken care of but they're doing poorly in school because she won't pay any attention. It's like watching your child on a runaway freight train & not being able to do anything about it. It's the worst feeling in the world to love your child so much & know she hates you so much and nothing will ever change. It's also heartbreaking to watch the pain our G-daughters feel. They've become very angry, sullen little girls. I'm so scared what will happen with them in a couple years. And now my husband has a bad heart & is on permanent disability. I don't know what to do. I sit up at night worrying about everyone, like I'm doing now at 1 am. Gosh, I don’t even know where to start, except that I’m very glad I found this site. I came online to look up info on ODD, hoping to help our daughter whose almost 30 with 2 kids. She was diagnosed at 14 with ODD after I was woken up at 2am by a policeman standing in my bedroom. Seriously! Unknown to us, she has made friends with the worst girl in her class, according to her teacher.

I called my husband at work (he worked nights then) and he came home. We took her right over to the ER, thinking she was on drugs. She was neg. for drugs but they kept her for a week & she was diagnosed with ODD. The doctor called me & I’ll never forget what he said. He told me she was downright spoiled & had way too much control in our home. And he was right.

She had been an only child for 11 years before our son came along & she was the center of our world, especially mine, as my husband worked long, rotating hours as a teamster driver. He was usually home on week-ends. Things calmed down for a few years after that, when we put her back into private Christian school.

But at 16, after my husband let her go back to public school, it started all over again right away. She was out of control and she hated my guts. This is a child who was almost catered to, I’m ashamed to admit. Never laid a hand on her, rarely ever yelled at her.

Yet, as soon as she got back into public school, she started getting in trouble at school for fighting, refused to do her school work, even though she was A’s & B’s in private school, and started running away. I would spend nights, with our baby son in the car, riding around half the night looking for her. One time, she stayed hidden at a friend’s house for a month. I nearly went crazy with fright.

Then she met “John” – the biggest loser we ever saw. We did everything we could to keep them apart. She became pregnant at 17 and, unfortunately, she married the jerk. We later found out he was diagnosed as Bi-polar but I’m sure he has ODD as well. Well, that was 12 years ago and they have lived with us most of that time.

They just moved in one day to our garage apartment. He rarely worked, as he usually got fired from his jobs. He sat around playing video games & being emotionally abusive to me, her, and the kids, constantly refusing to let me see our G-daughters every time he got mad at me. He ran around on our daughter constantly.

Our daughter actually later calmed down for most of that time & turned out to be a very good mother. She got a job & also put her self through enough schooling to get a better job & has been there part time for about 5 years now.

A couple years ago, he took up with his latest mistress & walked out 3 days before Thanksgiving. Our daughter & the kids were hysterical. He called on Thanksgiving Day to tell his kids, “Daddy’s not coming home anymore.”

Needless to say, our daughter completely fell apart, became profoundly depressed and has reverted back again to hating my guts. These two have cost us so much money, wiped out our savings, due to having to basically support another whole family all those years.

Since he left, she talked her Dad into co-signing an expensive apt. lease & then refused to get a full time job to pay for it. I begged him not to do it but she was always Daddy’s girl. He never said no to her in her life. In the last two years, she’s managed to totally screw up her credit, never pays her bills. We got stuck with her apt. rent. & she has gotten numerous speeding tickets, & now in trouble with law after getting caught with dead tags, speeding, etc. her Atty suggested she agree to some jail time to avoid all the points.

I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve tried to talk her into counseling & medication but she refuses. I can’t force them out because of the kids and she knows this. She treats her Dad like gold & me like dirt. She screams horrible things at me in front of the kids. She refuses to clean her place or make the kids pick up. It’s a pig sti. She won’t pay rent or even help with utilities. She couldn’t get a place now if she wanted to. She hardly spends any time with her kids anymore & has become downright neglectful. They spend much of their time down with us & we make sure they’re taken care of but they’re doing poorly in school because she won’t pay any attention.

It’s like watching your child on a runaway freight train & not being able to do anything about it. It’s the worst feeling in the world to love your child so much & know she hates you so much and nothing will ever change. It’s also heartbreaking to watch the pain our G-daughters feel.

They’ve become very angry, sullen little girls. I’m so scared what will happen with them in a couple years. And now my husband has a bad heart & is on permanent disability. I don’t know what to do. I sit up at night worrying about everyone, like I’m doing now at 1 am.

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