It's About Them

Young People … Our Greatest Resource

Behavior As An Attempt to “Fix” Problems

BEHAVIOR AS AN ATTEMPT TO “FIX” PROBLEMS:  The behaviors of young people, what they DO, can be one of the best indicators of what’s going on inside of them. More often that we realize, their behaviors are an attempt to “fix” issues and situations in their lives.  Reading this behavior is not especially difficult, but it takes a little practice.

A boy is fearful his parents will divorce. How does he stop them? I’ve seen youngsters find their way into so much trouble at school their parents had to come to together to deal with it.

Now that’s an interesting dynamic. As long as the boy is in trouble, Mom and Dad are actually communicating and working together on something involving their son. And, as long as they are working together, they are together. With that kind of payoff, how do you propose to stop the lad’s behavior?

Here’s another example. I had the opportunity some time back to work with a high-school girl from a single-parent family. (Her mother had died of pancreatic cancer, one enormous and unaddressed source of the girl’s depression and anger.) Dad work had him on the road all the time. The girl felt she essentially had lost both of her parents.

She found an effective way to get her father off the road. She began failing in school. It worked! Dad had countless meetings with her teachers, and he begged her to bring up her grades. Clearly capable of passing, she failed the ninth grade. In fact, since Dad was a slow learner, she failed it three times.

In both of these examples the youngsters considered the consequences of their behavior preferable to letting the problem continue. As obvious as these two examples appear, they were not obvious to the folks in the middle of them. Effective intervention, therefore, should recognize the problem the behavior is trying to “fix,” then address both it and the behavior.

 

James Sutton, Psychologist    www.docspeak.com

 

   (You’ll find more great ideas for parents in Dr. Sutton’s book, What Parents Need to Know About ODD(Friendly Oaks Publications, 2007). Click on the title for more information and to order. This great resource also is available in ebook (pdf) format at a reduced cost. For specifics on the ebook and for the option of immediate download, CLICK HERE.)

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February 9, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

2 Comments »

  1. Thank you for this post. It alows me to look at my student’s behaviors in a different way.

    Like

    Comment by Leila | February 9, 2009 | Reply

  2. This is very powerful, thank-you for sharing. I will be watching behavior with a fresh perspective.

    Like

    Comment by tobeme | February 10, 2009 | Reply


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