It's About Them

Young People … Our Greatest Resource

The Kindness Cookies (Dr. James Sutton)

James Sutton,Dr. James SuttonMy wife and I love to eat out at a certain hamburger place that lets you “dress” your own hamburger. How can you complain when everything but the meat and bun are put there by you?

I was busy making the rounds between the lettuce, pickles and mayo when I saw a youngster, about six years old or so, having fits with the ketchup dispenser. He had more ketchup on him, the counter and the floor than he had in the little paper container. I told him that, since I had one free hand, I would pump the ketchup out for him if he would hold his container under the spigot.

Mission accomplished, as I returned to fixing my burger. But as the boy turned to walk away, he looked back at me and smiled.

“Thank you!” he said softly.
I’ve got to tell you, his thanks trumped the heck out of a little ketchup in the cup. I almost felt guilty that I hadn’t done even more for the lad. In fact, this little 30-second scenario caused me to remember something my grandmother taught me when I was about the same age as the ketchup boy.

Winters in Texas
One of my greatest thrills as a youngster came in the winter when my grandmother would stay with us in south Texas. Her husband, my mother’s father, died when I was an infant. Consequently, loneliness and the tough Oklahoma winters convinced Grandma to go south by train to stay with us through the coldest months.

I always cherished our time together, albeit those opportunities slackened a bit as my sister and cousins came along. On one occasion, however, it was just Grandma and me. We had the whole house to ourselves and a grand plan on what to do with the opportunity: We were going to make a batch of cookies.

A Cookie Problem
Now, Grandma’s sugar cookies were legendary. With a bit of pleading, I convinced her to quadruple the recipe. As cookies came out of the oven, I soon realized there were not enough jars in the house to hold them all.

True to her sensible ways, Grandma solved the cookie problem. She had me put the excess cookies into sandwich bags while she cleaned the kitchen and grabbed her sweater. We then called on neighbors up and down the block, sharing our bounty with them. It was an exercise in kind giving and appreciative receiving that has remained with me all these years.

Never Out of Style
In reading this, I’m sure there are those that would say this sort of kindness has gone out of style, that it would no longer work. Who would dare take those cookies from a semi-stranger at their door today? And, even if they took them, would they actually eat them? Who’s to say?

Still, if she were with us today, I believe my grandmother, by example, would be teaching her grandkids, great-grandkids and great-great grandkids that any kindness, however small, still counts.
Perhaps that even includes a couple of squirts of ketchup. ###

 

A nationally recognized child and adolescent psychologist, author and speaker, Dr. James Sutton is in demand for his expertise on emotionally and behaviorally troubled youngsters, and his skill for sharing it. Dr. Sutton is the founder and host of The Changing Behavior Network, a popular internet blog and radio-style podcast dedicated to supporting young people and their families. www.thechangingbehaviornetwork.com
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April 23, 2016 Posted by | Affirmation and Recognition, Healthy living, Human Interest, Humor, Inspirational, Parents | , , , , | 1 Comment

Instilling Positivity in Children and Teens (Peggy Caruso)

Peggy Caruso, instilling positivity in children and teensUnderstanding the subconscious mind will help us to focus on the importance of instilling positivity in children and teens. Your conscious mind is your reasoning mind; therefore, once you accept something to be true at the conscious level, it then goes into the subconscious mind and that is what produces your results. Your subconscious mind produces your actions. So, if you want to change the results you are getting then you must begin to alter your thought process.

Understanding Developmental Periods

You can alter behavioral patterns in children as well as adults. In doing so you must understand the developmental periods of a child’s life.

From birth to seven is the imprint period; in which everything is absorbed from the environment. Parents and relatives have the most impact on the child during this particular time.

From seven to fourteen is the modeling period and this is a very crucial stage. They break away from the parent and model the behavior of other children, movie stars, singers, etc. Many parents will ask me how it is possible to raise two children the same way and have them turn out so differently. That’s because they go in different directions and are influenced by others.

From fourteen to twenty-one is the socialization period. This is where they become individualized. So it doesn’t matter what influences they have encountered because you can always alter behavior. Understanding these periods helps us identify where the obstacles surfaced.

Altering Behavioral Patterns

One way to alter behavioral patterns is to implement techniques of Neurolinguistic Programming. It involves the systematic study of human performance. It is a multi-dimensional process that involves strategic thinking and an understanding of the mental and cognitive processes behind behavior. NLP is:

Neuro: Derived through and from our senses and central nervous system
Linguistic: Our mental processes are given meaning, coded, organized, and then transformed through language
Programming: How people interact as a system in which experience and communication are composed of sequences of patterns

Peggy Caruso, Revolutionize Your Child's Life, Neurolinguistic Programming, positive affirmations, implement success principles, Attitude of GratitudePositivity and Gratitude

Your subconscious mind doesn’t reason; therefore, you must be very careful as to what you plant. We are made up of energy, so it’s important to get our children in a positive energy flow so they are able to attract positivity.

There are many ways to get that energy flowing in the morning. I talk frequently about the importance of gratitude. Most people tend to focus on the negatives of life. Positive and negative can’t occupy the mind at the same time, and, since negative is the dominant emotion, one must work very hard to replace it with positive.

Another key tool is to teach them the importance of positive affirmations. Get them in the habit of saying positive statements such as…”I can…” or “I will…” Repetition is key, so, as they get in the habit of saying them, the greater positive influence they will have.

Get your children excited about their goals and have them create a vision board. It’s another powerful exercise of the mind that will keep them in a focused and positive environment.

Implementing Success Principles

Finally, implement success principles within your child. I’ve written many articles about the importance of this. It is a redirection of negativity and instilling entrepreneurial skills in children aids in them becoming successful adults. Teaching them the 4 C’s will make a difference when they become adults. They are:

Communication: Sharing thoughts, ideas and solutions
Collaboration: Working together to reach a goal
Critical Thinking: Looking at problems in a new way
Creativity: Trying a new approach

So develop an Attitude of Gratitude and get that positivity flowing! ###

 

Peggy Caruso can be reached at pcaruso@lifecoaching.comcastbiz.net for more information. www.lifecoachingandbeyond.com

 

April 14, 2016 Posted by | Affirmation and Recognition, Counselors, Educators, Healthy living, Human Interest, Humor, Inspirational, Parents, Resilience, Self-esteem | , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Rebuilding Parental Self Esteem After Divorce Takes Its Toll (Rosalind Sedacca)

Rosalind Sedacca, Child Centered Divorce NetworkWe all know divorce can be devastating on many levels. But sometimes we forget the emotional toll of divorce. In addition to the physical and financial stress on both partners, divorce can also wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem. Even those who initiate the divorce process can experience tremendous emotional turmoil resulting in guilt, anxiety and insecurity. Those who were not expecting or in any way desiring the break-up can come away feeling psychologically battered, confused and questioning their own worth. A focus on rebuilding parental self-esteem is worth the effort.

It’s hard to tackle these burdens alone. A support group, private coach, professional counselor or other similar resources will be very valuable in reminding parents that 1) you are not alone in your experiences or feelings and 2) there is a brighter future ahead for you – if you take proactive steps in that direction.

While family and friends are usually very well-intentioned, their support may not always be valuable for you. They have their own agendas, perspectives and values about marriage, family and divorce. What parents most need at this difficult time is a support system that is dispassionate, compassionate and knowledgeable about responsible behaviors that will move you into a more positive chapter in your life.

Here are a few suggestions to guide parents in boosting their self-esteem during the divorce and its aftermath.

child centered divorce network, emotional toll of divorce, rebuilding parental self esteem, life is about choicesBe Committed to Releasing the Past

If you stay stuck in reliving and clinging to what no longer is your reality, you will not open the door to the next chapter in your life. There will be better, brighter days ahead – if you allow that awareness into your experience. Make space in your life for new friends, relationships, career options and fulfilling activities. Look for and expect new opportunities in new places. See the future as a positive beginning for you and your children. You’ll be pleasantly surprised about what you can create when you anticipate good things ahead.

Choose Your Company Wisely

We can’t easily change other people, but we can change the people we associate with. If your social group isn’t supportive of you, or tends to wallow in self-pity, realize you have a choice in your life about who you spend time with. Choose instead aware, introspective people who accept responsibility for their own behavior and proactively move ahead in transforming their lives. Move out of the blame game and put yourself in the company of positive people with high self-esteem who can appreciate you, with all your assets and baggage, as the wonderful person you are. You may find these people where you least expect them. So step out of your comfort zone – and be receptive to new friends and new experiences.

Be Flexible about Change

Life is always filled with changes, not just during divorce. Get comfortable with the unknowns ahead and accept that change is inevitable. While dark periods are tough to handle, realize they too will fall away and be replaced with better days and new relationships. Listen to your self-talk. Let go of limiting beliefs about yourself. When you catch yourself in doubt, fear or put-down language, become aware of that message and consciously refute it:

I am a worthy parent.

I can attract a new loving partner.

I deserve to be happy in my relationships.

My children love me and know how much I love them.

 

Determine what you want to change about yourself from within and relax about controlling circumstances around you. When you come to accept the reality of changes in your life, you’ll feel more at peace with yourself and those around you.

Life is about choices and decisions. Use your divorce as a catalyst for positive change. Choose to be the person and parent you most want to be. Then watch how circumstances around you settle into place more harmoniously than you ever expected.###

 

Rosalind Sedacca, CDC is a Divorce & Parenting Coach, Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right!, coaching services, and other valuable resources on divorce and parenting issues, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.

 

April 7, 2016 Posted by | adversity, Anxiety and Depression, Counselors, courage, Divorce Issues, family, Healthy living, Self-esteem | , , , , | Leave a comment